A Tale of 2 workplaces...

It was the best of time, it was the worst of times. Though mostly the worst of times. I currently hold 2 very different jobs in the same area. My first job, one of my first "real" jobs is at a performing arts center, where the rules are strict. Now you would think this would be the "fun" job right? And it is a pretty nice gig. I mean there are totally worse ways to get paid other than standing outside doors waiting for people to come out with problems. But its strict in that you have to appear uber professional. Like the uniform must be pristine, your language is watched, everyone is watching. Also we have alot of volunteers, and you have to be polite and codial to them and the partons. You aren't allowed to sit most of the time, breaks are only when someone can relieve your spot (so heaven forbid you have an issue and need the restroom), and no food is allowed in. My boss actually wants us to leave everything in the car except for our keys.

Now the people there are great, and I really get along with them well, but most of the time we never interact with each other outside of work. The occasional after work drink/snack or a meet-up here or there but not so much that I would consider them friends to hang out with on a sunday evening.

Now the other work is data entry with a home health agency. Here is the standard 9-5 M-F type job, though I do get to make my own hours which is awesome. Considering I was hired in as a temporary worker while they found permanent replacements for the people who left, and I'm still here a year and a half later. But its money. I can come in when I like, and pretty much leave when I want as long as it's within business hours. The people are nice, always bringing in food to share and making sure you eat. Lots of meetings with food that also goes out to everyone (not only the people in the meeting). I don't make as much here as at the theater, but I can make up for it in hours. But its not really what I want to do, I just do it 'cause I'm good at it. Again people here are super nice, but I'm not really close to anyone. I only really talk to my aunt because she is the boss and we share the seperate office space. I get kicked around from place to place here but like I said, its money, and esp. since the theater is getting less and less hours, this helps.

I don't know where I was going with this, just trying to wake up my brain 'cause I'm pretty tired right now.

So strangely, I just signed up for a new writing site and completed my first entry.
Its called 750words.com and it basically runs off the practice that a person should start the day (or really just whenever) by writing 3 pages of thoughts. No rhyme or reason, just a stream on consciousness to clear your mind and allow yourself to focus the rest of the day.

I just completed my first entry

So why am I continuing to blog somewhere else?

Well the new site in interesting. But a little intimidating. But I guess its about as intimidating as Farmville, in which you only really are tied to it as much as you want to be. I mean, the site gives you points for each entry you make, and more points if you get all the way up to 750. The entries are private, but it uses analyers to try to give you stats on your posts.

I may be because I've been going through alot lately, and made some major decisions within the past 48 hours, but it made me really feel bad. I didn't want the first entry to be angry, but I guess I just am. I'm just tired of being hurt by someone who was once a good friend. I let myself be blinded by the past that I kept forgiving the present. And now, I can't ignore it anymore. I even extended one last olive branch only for it to be ignored.

Now I have to deal with the pain of the loss.
But I hope to be a better person in the end.

"Ah, me..."

The phone rang and rang though the silver bluetooth perched in her left ear, allowing for safety and ease on the road. Upon hearing the tell-tell half then full ring signaling voicemail was once more about to pick up, she pushed the tiny blinking button on her ear, silencing the recording before it could begin. With a small sigh of discontentment, she turned up the radio and pushed some buttons to fill the silence of the car on her short trek to work.

Extending her right upper limb she reached into the crinkly plastic bag on the passenger's seat to remove a freshly made french fry from the depths within. The nerve endings of her fingertips warning of the extreme temperature of the morsel, she gently placed the fry between her teeth and slowly bit down, to manage keep from burning her lips. As the potato quickly cooled, she finished it off with a drink of the Dr. Pepper from the paper cup beside her. Looking forlornly at the soft drink she bemoaned the calorie content, but knew that she would need the caffeine and the sugar to get through the rest of the day.

It had been a rough night for sleeping, though this affliction was common for her. It was as if her body knew the long and unavoidable day ahead, and wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible. No yawns, no eye rubbing, no physical signs of fatigue plagued her through the night. Not even the recurrent worries and ideas running through her mind like wayward cats playing with toys allowed her the normalcy of a night of insomnia. Simply laying there, in the dark, in the wee hours of the morning with dawn approaching faster than required nor asked for. It was these nights, which were thankfully rare, which were the worst for sleeping.

The day started strange, with some unknown alarm awakening her an hour earlier than needed, and perhaps less than 2 hours into the light sleep her body finally allowed her to achieve. No indicator could explain the reason for being roused from sleep, her canine protector slept soundly in his bed on the floor, and the rest of the house was silent. Cursing the fates, for perhaps it was them playing with her, she rolled away from the sunlight streaming through the curtains covering the eastern window and tried to slip back into dreamland. The real alarm went off much too quickly for her liking, and as per usual her hand reached above her head to slap blindly at the headboard in search of the elusive snooze button. Upon finding it, the arm retreated back into the warm cocoon of blankets, and dreams were attempted to be found once more. This cycle repeated every 9 minutes, until reality sunk its claws into her brain and realizing she would be late for work if she didn't rise right at the moment.


To be Continued... (maybe, depends on my mood mostly)

I thought I was in Hawaii but I woke up in Cerritos...



It felt pretty real. Not so real that when I emerged from dreamland and back to reality the stark contrasts of setting shocked me, but real enough that my waking realizations came with a that twinge of sadness that comes with all of life's small disappointments. You know the ones, the sting when you realize you missed the mailman and now you have to stop by the post office before work, or when the milk as gone bad and you really wanted that bowl of Cap't Crunch. Or I guess, more precisely, the feeling you get when you finish scratching a losing Lotto scratcher. You know the chances winning are minuscule but you still have a little hope, which is dashed the moment you swipe your coin across the card and you see a 10 when all you wanted was a 25.

So as I awoke, allowing the remaining remnants of the dream to recess into the corners of my brain with a sigh of regret, similar to the ones I give as I finish scratching the remainder of that losing lotto ticket, I tried to piece together my day. But I couldn't because all I could wonder at was that dream.

I haven't thought of Hawaii in months, maybe its a sign that I need a vacation. But life right now is in such a flux that I need to move on, or be stuck in this place forever. But moving on seems to always pushed to the side by the rigors of day to day life.

And the dream, it was so detailed in its minutiae that an actual relaxing portion never occured by the time I awoke. The dream had the trip to LAX, the plane ride, the shuttle to the hotel, etc... Then back to the airport for island hoping to Maui, and then I woke up. Not even in my dreams to I get the chance to relax and de-stress.

It's odd. In writing the above paragraph I feel like I'm complaining about my lack of time or stress. But as I got up and started my day, I wasn't filled with regret or anything, simply acknowledging the dream and moving on. I wouldn't even say it was a good dream that I wanted to return to, it simply was there.

I was more impressed by the fact that when I woke up it took me a little bit to figure out where I was. But in the end if I was dreaming, that means I was sleeping well, and that is something I will always be greatful for.

Back to work again,
it did feel nice to be able to write something out again. Even if it didn't lead to anywhere...

Been a while right?

lets see if I can make bring this blog back to life, regain some writing skilled, and actually produce something (no necessarily worthwhile, but benficial to me)

"In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun"...
well there's no element of fun in this today Mary Poppins, maybe that's why you're only "practically" perfect in every way

work work and more work
will update eventually

My Horoscope For today... according to Google Calendar
"The Moon's entry into your 11th House of Groups today can be socially inviting. You are part of a family now and might derive extra sweet feelings from being involved with others. But you'll need to draw the line somewhere or you'll be lured into a drama that really doesn't directly impact you. You can be kind and hold your ground at the same time. "

Getting invovled in drama that doesn't actually affect me... story of my life. But I like to think I'm getting better =P

Back at work again, and for some reason my back really hurts
man, I'm old now.

I didn't get good sleep last night, which sucks because I was having good sleep for the past few days.

So I went to the doctor on monday,because my left ear started to feel weird. Like I couldn't realize the pressure on it. And everything I heard through it was muffled. So the doctor said it looks like the beginning of an inner ear infection and I'm on antibiotics for the next 10 days. There's a little blockage too, so that will have to be taken care of after the 10 days.

As for the rest of my body, I really need to get to exercising or something. Its sore, and I just get to tired. I really haven't done anything strenuous lately, so I don't know why its behaving this way.

Its weird, I'm actually glad to have work (of course, I'm happy to have a paycheck), but it also gives me something to do. Because I'm super good at wasting a day away, and then regretting it later. like "damn, I should have done my laundry, or I should have cleaned the bathroom".

I'm way more progductive when I have alot to do.

Oh well. I just need to get off my butt and do stuff. JET got back to me and I'm on the alternate list, which means I'm still waiting to see if I get to go. Which sucks. I mean, I almost would have preferred a "no, too bad" over this waiting list. Just so that I know, I tried, it didn't work out, and now I can move on. So I'm going to pretend its a no, and try to find the next path I'm going to take in life.

Maybe after a nap...

(jk, can't nap, need to work both jobs today... )

Here's something I have done in a while
Blog from work.
Don't worry, I'm actually being a good worker and have finished a bunch of work for today, and now I'm just waiting for more files to come in.

I feel weird. Physically. not sick or anything, just a little slow. Especially over the past month I've been noticing that I can't get to sleep at night, usually finally hitting REM sleep past 5 am, and now it usually takes me a good hour to get out of bed in the morning, regardless of what time I need to be up. I even need to set my alarm now if I want to be out of bed before 2pm. Now I know I love to sleep, but this trouble waking up seems to be more from necessity than from laziness. (Though I admit to being incredibly lazy).
I can't eat much anymore, and I don't ever seem to have cravings for anything. Like I still enjoy the taste of good food and what not, but I never am "in the mood for bbq, or italian" or anything like that anymore.
And finally it feels like my brain has been slipping. Like I'm making small but stupid mistakes at work and at home. I'm reading the wrong line for directions on paper, or mixing up my lefts and rights. Its like my brain has suddenly hit a traffic jam on the freeway.

I'm hoping that if I make a conscience effort I can bring myself back up to speed. Hopefully writing again will help stimulate something. I'm trying to cook at home, so maybe that will help the appetite thing. The sleep thing may be the biggest problem though. I tried a sleep aid on night, and ended up throwing up and having to go home early from work the next day. (Which is weird, 'cause its a really mild sleep aid, and I had no major issues with it before- It was a combination of many factors, and I think that just pushed it over the edge). Hopefully if I can get myself out of bed earlier each day, I can eventually get myself to sleep at the end.

So, talk to you later, my head is a little swimmy, and 2 files have appeared on my desk.

yay work!